Arrested for the 5th time, this time round it was different I wasn't under the influence of anything, it was a normal day at work, a sunny beautiful day, I had plans after work to meet some friends, then it happened, the fire engaged, I had lost control.
The next thing I remember was everyone standing around me looking scared, I looked down at my feet and saw a figure lying at my feet, covered in blood, the same person I was having a heated discussion with earlier, about what I can't remember now it was so long ago.
Then followed was a wave of emotions, fear, regret, anger (at myself), hate and confusion at what had just happened and how it had happened? how did I reach this point?.
The next 30 minutes flew past, the police arrived at the scene and before I knew it I was charged with GBH and on my way to the station, it was during that journey I realised I had to make a change in my life and the first moment I realised I had a serious anger problem.
Due to previous repeated incidents I was now facing a much tougher sentence and possible jail time.
However on the day of my court case I was sent an angel, a blessing, the judge had seen good in me and could see I was a confused, angry and a scared 22 year old that needed to be put right.
During that trial she gave me the biggest dressing down I had ever had in my life, she spoke so true and so direct that it created a change in me from that very moment and for anger issues for the rest of my life.
From that day I gained control.
That 5th time was the final time.
So now I part my knowledge onto to you and maybe if you're reading this I'm guessing you maybe be suffering with some issues with anger yourself.
So here are some things that worked for me:
1. The most important you have to talk to someone about what triggers your anger, this won't be an easy conversation to have but it has to be done, it will be the biggest step to recovery you will make. this can be 1-1 sessions, support groups and your GP.
2. Channel that anger/energy into exercise this really helps to reduce stress and helps release our frustrations and also create mood altering endorphins.
3. Learn to raise your self esteem as anger is often a symptom of out internal insecurities be expressed through anger.
4. Try calming app and relaxation apps to channel your negative energy and reset.
5. Let go of the past now master how anger you get it will never change, do let it go and don't become a condition of your past.
Your past doesn't define you.
and finally the things to avoid.
1. Do not try to do everything at once; set small targets you can easily achieve
2. Do not focus on things you cannot change. Focus your time and energy on helping yourself feel better
3. Try not to tell yourself that you're alone – most people feel angry sometimes and support is available
4. Try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve anger – these can all contribute to poor mental health
You're not alone and make the change before its too late, there is so much help out there and support you just have to want it.
The last point and the most important, like everything in life you have to hold yourself accountable, your actions are a results of your decisions and yours alone. Until you accept this, change will be almost impossible, we are responsible for our own actions.
We are the disease but we are also the cure.
Leave the anger at the door and stay calm.